Feels like Fall

Lately, the clouds have been covering the sky, giving the promise of rain--but usually without delivery. I do wish it would rain-- my tomatoes would really love it, and so would our watering bill--but right now, I'm loving that hot coffee and tea actually are enjoyable. And that being outside isn't miserable. And the color of the sky, the beauty of the trees--it makes me think of autumn.

I can't wait.

The anticipation of a new school year is also with me; I'm looking forward to teaching something totally different. And interesting. And cool. I just hope my students think so! I might like it so much, I might not want to go back to ELA.

~

And that was all the time I've had to write since beginning this year. It's beautiful to look back on the anticipation, now that I'm there, and working hard, and tired, and trying to stay one step above my students in Spanish. At least I speak more than any of the rest of them--that is, except for the native speakers, which get the joy of correcting their teacher. Quite a bit.

So many have asked me if I like teaching Foreign Language and Cultures better than ELA. I love my planning period. I love the variety. Right now, I appreciate the class length, due to the fact that it would take me even longer to plan and learn and work if the classes were any longer. I don't love all the planning. The "trying things out" can be scary. And teaching three grade levels? To quote one of my new favorite people at work, "It is what it is." Each grade level has its strengths--and its weaknesses.

I'm tireder than I have been in a while from teaching. Master's class is once again absolutely ridiculous, and I'm contemplating, again, even three classes from graduation, if it's worth the pay raise for all the trouble I've been through. So far, it hasn't conquered my weekend-- but I'm kind of waiting for the hammer to fall.

Even with life whirling around me, my God is so good. His grace extends to me, every step of the way, and sustains me. I'm blessed.

Some things

Some things are bigger than a paycheck.

I wrote this beginning line about a week ago, after finding it on a writing book in my classroom. It stuck with me, and now I see why.

This week, my principal called me in for a chat. That can be scary and unexpected. Frightening, really. Especially if you just got back from an extended trip where you had to miss two days of work. Where you missed a faculty meeting, and you really don't know what's going on. When you're running on three hours of sleep.

Basically, he asked me to take a different position within the school. Next year, instead of teaching ELA as I have for (almost) the past five years, he's asked me to teach an elective course: "An Exposure to Spanish and French Culture". I'm still reeling. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this yet, because I'm still reeling.

I find it ironic that this year, the year when I'm not aching for change about now, is the year I find myself in a change. Perhaps this is only me, but I can't help but see that God could work in this: how He could use it in my life, as well as the life of my students. I guess, in the back of my mind, I can't help but think this could be a very good thing.

I've got the cultural background to help me out- though granted, I'll have to do a lot more research for Spanish than I will for French. The French thing will mostly just be recalling what I've learned over the years. The Spanish will require me to learn a lot: language, culture, traditions, celebrations... and so on. Thankfully, that comes fairly easily to me. And thankfully, I found out from one of my administrators today that they did weigh in what I do in the classroom.

For me, this is a lesson in not defining yourself by your job. I resisted that, especially in the beginning, but I've also forgotten not to. I've been in a comfortable groove where I am: I love the team I'm on, I like teaching ELA, and I like where I work. This new position hasn't changed some things, but somethings will change: new curriculum (which I will be creating from scratch), new students, at differing grade levels. New planning period (one that I'll actually be able to use), new timings (I'm going from 90-minute blocks to 45). Twice the number of students, and then some. New classroom management techniques. (Drill seargent, anyone? Don't smile 'till...?) More students, less individual attention. New creative opportunities, new ways to incorporate things I care about: music, art, language, food, and cultures. It's always a trade-off.

One of my sisters thinks this just may be the best thing to ever happen to me. Right now, I can see it as either the best or the worst, depending on my frame of mind. But I also see it as a way for me to grow, a new way for me to surrender to the Lord.

But for now? Spring break is here. I'm planning on visiting my sisters, doing some sewing, reorganizing my closet and working on a project for class. I'm planning on relaxing and spending some time in the sun. I'm planning on living. Some things are bigger than a paycheck.

I've seen hard times and I've been told
There must be a reason for it all

The February Post

With the beginning of February I've been even more busy than normal. I'm now hosting an international teaching fellow in my room. I hope to make her experience the best it can be, yet because I've never hosted another teacher in my room, it's been a learning curve for me as well. Overall, I really like what I'm gaining from the experience--mostly in the way of keeping more organized, because I have to. I love organization, but I sometimes have to remind myself of its merits.

I'm also taking a Children's Lit and Technology class-- I'm still in the Master's program, and still not sure why-- :)--but this class is particularly fun, and not hard at all. It's also practical-- I'm making projects I can use in the classroom without any modification. I've also managed to get my computer fixed. This is the first entry in a long time from ye old laptop.

I'm also ready for Spring. We've now had at least one snow, one ice storm, and plenty of cold weather to do me in. I'm actually okay with the weather-- what I'm not okay with are the clothes. I'm ready for color--if not outside, then at least on me. Maybe this will lead to sewing? 'Cause I certainly haven't been.

I have been knitting though-- first, I finished a hat for my nephew, then I made myself a hat. Finally, I made one for my brother-in-law. And now I'm working on a raw-silk cabled scarf--in which I can't keep up with how many rows I'm supposed to make into a cable. I need to pull out my nifty row counter so that I'll stop making mistakes that make me rip back. I'm looking towards a sweater-- I've got some lovely rust-colored yarn to make up--but I'm not sure I'll get to it before my knitting fervor runs out--it does, invariably, in the first warm days of spring.

I've also been baking-- mostly brownies. I've made the same recipe so many times--a slightly modified version of Dorie Greenspan's Classic Brownies--that I've memorized the recipe. Today I also (finally) made something different from this cookbook-- a "Swedish Neighbor Cake"--and it was just about as amazing as the brownies. We've been eating Sunday dinner at home more recently, usually because Mama and I have cooked too much more than anything, so I've been trying to keep something sweet around on the weekend. This time, I made the batter while everything else was warming in the oven and put it in when we pulled everything else out. It was wonderful, warm, lemony and fragrant. (Thanks, Aunt Debbie, for this cookbook! I love it.)

What I haven't been doing is writing. It's been my goal to post at least once a week on here, and, well... that hasn't happened. I think it's the mid-winter slump--and hopefully it will end sooner than later.

Classic Brownies
slightly modified from Dorie Greenspan's Baking: From My Home to Yours

5 T. butter, cut into five pieces
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate (I use Ghirardelli chips)
2 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped
3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla extract
1/2 t. espresso powder
1/4-1/2 t. salt (I use a rounded 1/4 teaspoon)
1/2 c. flour (The original recipe called for 1/3--but I made this "mistake"
the first time I made the brownies and I like the extra chewiness)
3/4 c. walnuts, chopped coarsely

Preheat oven to 325. Grease a 8" square brownie pan.

Combine chocolates and butter into a saucepan and melt together, using the very lowest setting on stove. When chocolate is mostly melted but still contains lumps, take off heat and stir to melt the rest of the chocolate*. Using a wooden spoon or a whisk, mix in sugar (it will be grainy). Mix in eggs one at a time, then add in vanilla (it should be smoother now). Mix in salt and espresso powder.

Using a rubber spatula, fold in flour (you should still be able to see streaks--just like muffins). Fold in walnuts. Pour into pan; smooth out the top of the brownies so that batter is evenly distributed over bottom of pan. Bake for 30-33 minutes, or until top is dry and a knife inserted into middle comes (almost) clean. Let cool on a wire rack, and cut into squares.

*This always works with our gas cooktop-- it's just about how I always melt chocolate. If you don't feel comfortable with this, Dorie G. recommends the double boiler method.

Puzzle Piece

My life is made up of pieces that should be a cohesive whole--but they're not. The pieces feel like a puzzle thrown in a box all which-a-way.

As a teacher, I nurture others, pulling my students into stories and writing, cajoling them to learning. This life requires more of my time than the others. It's where I earn my daily bread--working to form lives and minds. But there's a tug-of-war between work and life.

As a friend, I talk and love and sometimes come out to play, though not as often as I used to. Most of my girlfriends are concerned with their families and new-found lives, so our conversations have more to do with where I'm headed than where I am now. The exceptions are my sisters. Both understand the balance that is easy to loose when you're a teacher.

As an artist, I'm barely there. The creative drive is still exists: projects fester in my mind, but rarely leave, stifled by the demands of paperwork and students' needs. I look in awe at others who work full-time, yet still have the time and energy to create every day.

As a daughter, an aunt and a sister I'm connected to those who have lived my life with me. Our relationships haven't changed much over the years--I'm still the aunt who buys candy at Cracker Barrel, the sister with the crazy, flighty ideas. What changes is the deepening of experiences, stretching through time.

As a child of my God, my life is the closest to complete. It's where I find the mistakes I've made and the changes I need to make. It's where I dedicate my life daily to the Cross. It's real-life, real-time, real-close, though that's not always apparent on the surface. It's also the one I struggle to put first. This is where I see the patterns echoing between the pieces, even as their shapes constantly change. I want a stronger vision. I want the puzzle of my life complete, strong and resilient.

Sewing Analogy

Thread through needle~ sandwiching layers of fabric together. What threads will I use to stitch my classes~ my colorful pieces~ together?

One is brown and worn, frayed in the corner. Another is pristine-white with starched crisp corners. Another is loud and crazy, with the rhythms of neon colors dancing across the background. Yet another stripes like soldiers, lined up for parade.

And these are only a sample of my fifty-four swatches to stitch this year. Perhaps my thread will begin with the pale blue of love and switch to the dark cerulean of learning. But always we will come back to that pale azure sheen which is so ephemeral in the chaos and drama of sixth grade.

This has been percolating for a week...

I meant to post while it was still summer, but time got away from me. Despite being in school all summer long, I had a wonderful summer. A trip to visit a great friend and a visit from two other great friends climaxed the summer. I really, really need to post some pictures here!


But now that school has begun for the next school year, a new idea has been percolating: the idea of being content with your situation.


I'm an idealist--and I don't like things unless they match up with my ideas of how things should be. And--well, teaching was never part of my plan for life (despite me getting my bachelor's in Elementary Ed.) I thought I'd be on to greater stuff for now. I thought I'd be living the typical Message girl's dream life. For the past four years, I've not been happy to simply do my job, and content to let the Lord lead me onto a higher calling.

My current contentment started with a comment by another teacher. It was simple enough advice: "Be Excited." Be excited to be there for your students and to teach them. (And stop worrying if life isn't exactly the way you thought it would be.) That one small phrase has made the hard job of teaching sixth graders a pleasure--and it's freed me to be more of the teacher I want to be.

I still don't plan on doing this the rest of my life. But I do plan on enjoying the ride, as long as it lasts, until it's time to change.

Where I'm From

Based on the children's book Mama, Where Are You From?

I'm from a knee-high grass field full of weeds and wildflowers. Chasing my brother and sisters through the harsh grass; chasing fireflies while the sun sets.

I'm from the sewing machine which made patched doll clothes, and where I made my first dress. From pricked fingers and ripped-out seams.

I'm from bluegrass and gospel played in the car on a country road. I'm from Bach and Mahler and Copeland--shaking the house with the blare of symphonies and string quartets and sonatas.

I'm from the land of bumps and bruises, scrapes, cuts and gashes, thanks to good ole' clumsiness.

I'm from the family who thinks the right word--no matter how big--is important. I'm also from a book which manages to state everything important in life in the small words of the common man.

I'm from grace--both in my teaching and in my life--because I would not be teaching still if it were not for the Grace of God.

I'm from a hot kitchen, stirring, simmering and baking my way to sanity after a long day.

I'm from frustration to giving up--in the good way. Realizing that I cannot do it on my own--I must rely on the Holy Spirit in order to get me through. Realizing the control I so carefully construct is nothing; the creator of Heavens and Earth is the real guiding force.

I'm from God, who before the foundation of the world called my name. I know because I hear His voice calling me now.

Reflection--on lotsa stuff

I'm sitting in class watching my prof develop another blog--just when I'm trying to minimize and downsize! The worst part about switching from Xanga to Blogspot is that I've lost the comments--so I don't think I'm going to close down my xanga site. I'll leave the link up so that anyone who wants can search through the old posts.

It's been an interesting experience, looking over my old blog posts. I was either a lot more cheerful than I am now, or I was afraid of appearing too somber. I know I was a little afraid of being too honest. (Who wants their faults and failures spread across the 'net, anyway? --Despite the fact that everyone has them... ) Either I don't care as much, or I don't plan on tons of people looking at this? I'm not sure which.

I know I'm different than at the beginning--you can't go through four years of teaching and not be a different person from when you started. (Not unless it's your 20th year.) But how have I grown? I hope it's in ways that matter, but I can't guarantee it.

...

Today Rebecca was trying to talk me out of Master's classes. I don't blame her; I've been pretty miserable. It's worse during the school year. I feel as if I simply have too much to do and not enough time to do it all. My teaching suffers from it also--and pray tell, which is more important? Your JOB, or your sort-of education? I'm not so miserable now--but things keep happening to me-- a "B" when I should have gotten an "A", a misunderstanding with the professor (actually accused of cheating)--difficulties which make little or no sense. It seems the signposts would be pointing in the direction to quit.

But I'm struggling with the idea of quitting. I didn't know this before now, but I'm not a quitter. I may not like something, I may complain, but I usually don't quit--especially in things which may affect another person's (a.k.a. principle's) opinion of me. I don't care about the money, but I do care about how my betters view my work.

And then I run across this from the New York Times: an article on what a Master's Degree is worth. Not much unless you're a teacher, according to them. And for most teachers, it's the money that draws them in.

So where do I go from here? Pray, and wait. I'll finish up the summer courses, file my "bachelor's plus eighteen" hours with the state department, and hopefully, somewhere between now and August, the answer will become clear.

Getting Back into Blogging...

It's been a while, no matter where you look at it-- I haven't blogged for almost a year. Xanga account included--I'm about to archive my old xanga posts here, on this blog, so they'll be consolidated. One blog is much simpler than two--what was I thinking?

It's been so hard for me to write much of anything this year. One reason is that I'm in Master's classes at the Uni again, and I can't say I'm enjoying the journey. I'm a year into the program and have two to go, but I don't really want to continue. It's just not enough emphasis on true learning, and way too much emphasis on "intellectual didactic pondering". I really don't like the attitude that we're smart, and we know it, and because we're smart we're going to act like you owe us something. That's kinda the attitude this particular school has--and has always had.

Another reason I've not been blogging: HARD SCHOOL YEAR. I was really stretched this year, especially where the attitudes of my students were concerned. The kids were smart, but many were blatantly disrespectful. That's pretty exhausting to deal with for five days a week, 36 weeks out of the year. I'm glad it's over.

I can't say I'm ready for a new beginning yet-- I'm ready for recuperation and revival. That's all I can really say.

On a happier note, my annual Amazon order is all in--it's almost a yearly tradition for myself--and I'm so excited about some of the books I got in! Here are most of them:

• Preserving Food Without Freezing or Canning, from the gardeners and farmers of Terre Vivant-- this book is a compilation of traditional preservation methods from France. I've just started it, and love it so far.
  
  
• Weekend Sewing, by Heather Ross-- It's pure eye-candy, and it's full of beautiful, easy sewing projects. Just don't forget to check the errata from her website.
  
  
• Ratio, by Michael Rhulman--This book is for cooks who don't want to have to use a recipe every time inspiration hits. It's right up my alley--even though I love a good recipe, I'm often a throw-it-together kinda gal. This book is all about throwing it together well--and why it works that way.
  
  
• Sky High: Irresistable Triple-Layer Cakes, by Alisa Huntsman and Peter Wynne-- This book was recommended by one of my favorite food bloggers, Smitten Kitchen. She's an amazing cake baker--I've never had one of her recipes to fail--and she's made many cakes from this book. It's got instructions for wedding cakes as well as wonderful-looking, show-stopping triple layer cakes for any occasion. Right now it's eye-candy, but come birthday and holiday season, it'll be more than that.

I'm also loving Barbra Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Mineral right now--but it's not part of my latest Amazon order. My sister bought it for me last October for my birthday, and I'm just now reading it. That's how busy I've been.

I don't know if I'll get around to reviewing all of these--or if I'll actually will get a chance to read them all this summer. But sometime, hopefully, I will.

Oh, and if anyone has a good hushpuppy recipe, I'd love to have it. I tried the one in Joy, and meh. Not so great.

God Bless!

Praise Jesus for the Truth

Today's a teacher work day for my district, one we get in an effort for teachers to see more of what our students are expected to do once in the real world. So early this morning I headed to the local United Way. It was eye-opening to say the least. In my beautiful part of the world, seventeen percent of the population, ages 17-60, are illiterate. My county has the highest percentage of domestic violence per person in the US (it's first in child abuse and second in spousal abuse). It made my heart bleed for my students, both from last year and this year. And it also made me view the question of exactly why I am at the most urban middle school in my county a bit differently. Now I'm beginning to ask myself why not--why should students who have such desperate home situations, such pain in their lives, such needs, why should I not share with those in society that need it the worst? And yet, those are the ones that I seemed to fail last year.

Yesterday, as a part of my inservice/work time, I went over with my principle my gains and losses on my state's high-stakes test. And while I gained with my upper-level students (by a significant margin), I feel like I failed with the others. The ones that needed it the most. The ones that need the education the worst. The ones that have trouble in school because of problems at home or because they're hungry. Or because they don't know where they're going to sleep that night. I failed those children. And all I can do is ask the Lord--and them--for forgiveness, and try my best to do better this year. I think I've been beginning to try to remedy this--though I don't know how well I'm doing yet this year. What I have been doing so far is this--I've been trying my best to make a connection with the students I have, knowing that if I develop a good, solid relationship with my students, they will want to perform and work for me. And I'm hoping--praying--that this will help my students this year on THE TEST. Though the test has never been my goal. My goal is to show Christ to my students and teach them something they can use to help them in life. It always has been, and always will be.

I've been spending way too much time on YouTube lately, and I've found and watched some videos of Brother Branham. (I wasn't wasting my time then... ) Parts of "Deep Calleth to the Deep" are online, as well as a Chicago prayer line that is truly powerful. And there's a video of Bro. Branham's voice, describing the crucifiction of Christ, with the images from The Passion of Christ. While it's a powerful video, I can't stand the way Mary enters into the movie, stealing the credit and glory from Christ. And for that reason, I've never watched The Passion all the way through--perhaps not a justifiable reason to some, but I'd rather not.

The Maryolitry of it--that's what gets me. My absolute favorite homeschooling blog (this one) is from a Catholic mom. I love what she has to say on homeschooling and "mom-ing" in general. I was poking around her site because of her sewing post, and ran across this blog. I was a bit put-off by her profile--much the way I can see some others being offended by mine--but I decided to read her post anyway. I read on, until I got to this:

I know what it means to live on a rock. The rock of my faith --
the Catholic Church ...

And this, I thought, is what the Catholich Church creates: pagan worship of a church instead of Jesus Christ; dependence on a system and a novena to Mary instead of a direct advocate to the Father; a wafer of bread, digested and expelled, instead of the gift of the Holy Ghost, living and breathing inside of you? I can't help but think how decieved, how utterly pagan, and how deceiving--as they still claim the name of Jesus Christ. And I think back to Bro. Branham, pounding away at the systems and denominations, declaring that Jesus Christ is that rock. That revelation that I need, and that others need.

Too often, I've been slow to share the truth with those around me. I've been reluctant, asking myself what they'd think if they knew--if they knew I believed in following a man. But the more I see of this sad world, the more I'm convinced that it matters not a whit what people think. This world is so full of people following the wrong men, why should it matter if I follow the right one--the one who displayed Jesus Christ in this hour? Despite this world's crazy ideals that make the truth sound insane, I want to be a witness. Wherever I'm supposed to, I want to witness. Lord, help me to witness. Because I've been so blessed to know the truth--it found me.

THE.MASTERPIECE_ JEFF.IN V-4 N-7 SUNDAY_ 64-0705
2 Lord Jesus, Thou the--the Fountain, inexhaustible Fountain of Life, flow through us today, Lord, and cleanse us from all unbelief and all sin, that we might stand in Thy Presence now, knowing that there is need among us, that we know that we are sinners and not--not worthy of any blessing. But then when we think of Him Who came and took our sins! Then, when His Blood is there, it's not--it's not us in the Presence of God, it's Him. It's just our voice through His Blood. His Blood is speaking. O God, then cleanse our hearts from sin and unbelief.
3 Give to us the desires of our heart, for we truly have these desires to serve You. In these weakening conditions and afflictions, and things of the world that's put upon us sometime, to perfect us; we've been told that. Then He said, "Think it not strange that these trials come." They're only working out for our good and to perfect us, and bring us into that place. These great deserts of experience, where righteous man are molded into saints, we--we thank Thee for these experiences, Lord. We would no mean, no wise want to do anything contrary to Your will. But we pray, Father, that in this we'll be brought closer to You.
4 And when the burdens are so heavy we can't go no farther, then we raise our hands and scream to our Father. Then hear from Heaven, Lord.
Heal us, make us well, for the Kingdom of God's sake.
Bless Thy Word this morning, Lord. Thy Word is the Truth.

God Bless.

Untitled

The sun is streaming through the window in the kitchen as I write this post. It seems like the promise of summer. A summer that starts in two short days. Tomorrow, students will stream out of school, released for 2 1/2 months, driving their parents crazy, rather than their teachers.

And then, it's back to the drawing board again.

This time of year is always a bit hard. Not from the perspective that school's ending, but that my mistakes of the year seem to stand in black-and-white relief. And, while I resolve to do better, be better next year, I also realize my humanity--and how that in itself inhibits me from doing and being all I wish.

I signed my contract with some trepidation this year. I prayed over it; agonized over it. And at one point, declared I wasn't coming back to teaching. (Of course, that was while I was taking two graduate-level courses and was extremely stressed out.) But the problem with changing jobs is that you have to figure out your next step--what you're going to do. And that sort of next step is not easy for me. So I signed my contract for next year in faith that the Lord would lead me out, if I needed an out. And I'm trusting that He'll lead me through.

But for now, my mother's roses are in bloom. And then the gardenias will soon perfume the air. And I've got the summer to look forward to. And a God to serve and praise.

And He leads me beside still waters--somewhere in the valley below

And He draws me aside to be tested and tried; in the valley He restoreth my soul

I'm late for my update...

Heheh-- a little more than late. These past weeks have been really busy.

According to my Google countdown, SC schools have 16 days 'til PACT.

And according to my other Google countdown, I have 33 days 'til the end of school.

And I'm really looking forward to the summer.

And I'm praying for my students to do well on PACT.

I'm scared for them, as ususal.

---

But-- to update on everything else going on--

Those of you that I saw or met or met up with in Jeffersonville this Easter...
It was great seeing you and meeting you!

(More pictures of that trip-- or rather, I should say, the few I took-- are on my picasa site.)

It was a great trip, and the Services were wonderful.
My only regret was having to come back and teach on the Monday after Easter Sunday.
That was rough.

Today, I made a forray into baking Soaked Wheat Bread.
Maybe it was just me, but.
I. was. not. impressed.
I'm sure it didn't help I'd forgot the salt, and didn't see the fact that I could use olive oil instead of coconut oil (blech in bread) until too late. I had a bumbly morning in the kitchen. But... Sharon, remember what I said about something healthy having to taste good for me to do it? But I'll give it another try--with the salt and the olive oil, of course--Lol!

I'm slightly ashamed to admit this one, but I am becoming crunchy.

I have made my forays into GOOT.
I would have missed a day--if not more--of school without it.
So-- I guess that proves that if you're willing to stink, you can survive despite the terrible sinus infection that's trying to plague your life out.



And that's why I need to bid you all farewell.
I need to go to sleep!

God Bless!

When God looks through the precious blood of Jesus...

He sees me there; I feel unworthy... Had a great time in the Smokies--I'll post on that later.

**EDIT**
Sharon's already posted about the trip--go to her blog
to see what she had to say!

**end of edit**

But this is a thought that's been going through my brain lately--

As a teacher, my purpose is to stretch my students' minds in whatever direction I'm teaching--to teach them to think and work more intensely than they've been able to before. Not that I'm always able to accomplish my goal--but that's it.

I have plenty of students who have no desire to learn. Instead, their goal is to float through school, doing the least they can in order to pass my class. So, my job as a teacher is to make my activities towards learning interesting enough--to "stretch myself" in order to meet my students needs.

In this game of life, I was the bad student, and my Lord, the teacher. I was the one who didn't pay attention in class, trying to get by--until God snapped my attention towards him by his amazing grace. He stretched himself--for me.

GREATER.THAN.SOLOMON.title HOT.SPRINGS.AR V-20 N-11 63-0628E
197 078 God came to the earth in the form of Man, and--and--and unfolded Himself, stretched His tent, from being Jehovah God to become Man to stand the shame and curse. Little Jehovah God in a manger, under a pile of manure, down there crying in a manger; God, the Creator of heavens and earth, standing there in human flesh to take the death of--of your sins upon Himself, that He might free you to be a more of a Christian than what that deer was a mother. How can you reject such matchless love? Then, besides that, He wrote His Word. That's enough. You couldn't take my word, you have to... It'd be all right, but not Him. He ascended on High and give gifts back to men. He come back in the form of the Holy Spirit, same God to open your heart, by the atoning Blood.

GREATER.THAN.SOLOMON.title HOT.SPRINGS.AR V-20 N-11 63-0628E
198 079 "Be ye therefore perfect, even as Your Father in heaven is perfect. None of us can be that. I don't look at what I am. I--I'm not worthy. You're not worthy. Who is worthy? I don't look at what I am; I look to what He is. He's the One that was looked at. He is my Sacrifice. I'm not worthy to stand here as a minister. If I counted my worthiness, I'd--I'd be in hell; so would you. But we don't look to what we are.
You say, "I couldn't do that. I couldn't call. I couldn't touch--touch God's garment. I couldn't do this."
Oh, you can. Look what happened. He died in order that you could do it, that you could be saved. That's genuine. Would you like to be like that, and like to be remembered in prayer? Raise your hand, say, "I would, Brother Branham."

But He sees pure white, By His grace, I am-- I cannot claim my own worth.

Posted via web from marielenora's posterous

Field Trip Tomorrow...

And I'm already tired thinking about it. Lol-- I'd be tired, even if I didn't have the trip tomorrow, though. Grades are due, and so far, that is the one thing I have not been able to master--getting grades in on time. It's on the lines of pulling teeth, especially when there are essays in the mix... lol... as they are right now.

But anyway--Bright and early tomorrow morning, my students and I (along with all the students and teachers on my team, as well as a good many parents) are headed to a fun time--an Aquarium, a Science Center, and a big CITY!! They're so excited... but, considering the excitement, they did pretty well today. One of my boys told me, "Today's the longest day of my life... and tomorrows going to be the shortest!" Lol--My guess is, he feels that way about summer too.

On top of this, SACS came to our school today. For those of you who haven't been involved with the school system, this is an accreditation program whereby schools are declared good or bad--it's not too fun. The evaluator came into my classroom for about five minutes, talked to my one, most difficult, trying, and needy student--and I hope that's not the only impression of my classroom she got. She left a good note; that's all I know.

I sound tired--I wouldn't be so complain-y, otherwise--but I do want to mention the services this weekend... Even though Sharon's already filled you in! I do thank God for a Holy-Ghost filled church, and for the blessings God bestows on us. There was such a Holy, reverent atmosphere at the end of Sunday morning's service--I didn't want to leave. There are times when the presence of the Lord comes in, and just bathes us with His goodness and mercy, and you know that, despite all of your trials, you are His. And you rest in that Holy atmosphere. It just makes me want to draw closer to Him, in my every-day experience... not just when we're in church.

Something my pastor once said has really stuck with me: he said, It's not who you are in church that proves who you really are. It's the everyday, hard walk--where you make the decision to depend on the Lord--or not. It's that time on which the atmosphere and anticipation for a service is built. And if we want that atmosphere, we must seek it in our everyday lives. I don't know if this really expresses what I mean, but I'm trying. You see, since I started teaching, it's become harder to carve out the time to seek God's face before the day starts, and I begin my morning's rush-to-school. God forgive me; I often run out the door without seeking His face. It's not that I want to. It's that I feel caught in the "Lack of Sleep and Time" machine.

I guess, in a way, I'm asking for your prayers. That I would be able to carve the time out--to make the sacrifice--to break through before the day starts. So that, when I walk into church, no matter the time or tiredness, I'm ready to meet the Lord of Hosts like we did last Sunday.

God Bless you all.

Such a Typical Monday...

I walked into school today, tired.

It wasn't because I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before-- I had. But I'd planned to wake up early, do my lesson plans, and then grade some papers. (MANY papers, I should say--since I'm behind, and I need to catch up. And last week--well, I just didn't feel like it. Thank the Lord I'm healed of that nasty cold!)

Instead, I woke up at my normal 6:00--and tried to pray through, and read some. Got up at 6:30, got my shower, had the "morning pill parade" (did I tell ya'll I'm doing a Liver cleanse?--lol--it works!) And ran through my morning routine to get done what I needed to do for the day.

Problem No. 1: It's Monday. Need I say more?

Problem No. 2: I hadn't done my lesson plans yet. Fortunately, the plans fall out of my pen, as soon as I walk to the board and start writing. It just happens-- I automatically know what we need to do next. BUT-- I wasn't teaching the lesson today-- our Media Speciallist was kind enough to come and do it-which saved me from exhaustion today.

Problem No. 3: Because I didn't get up early, I was just plain-out tired. At least, I think that's the way it works. As in, If I'd gotten up early, I would have drunk more coffee--and then I would have been more alert (at least for the time being.)

But I really can't complain. Today was a good day-- I'm finding (by God's Grace) a better balance for control in the classroom--between "Ms. Emelda Trunchbull" and "Ms. Honey". For a while, I could be either nice or mean. I couldn't figure out the balance. But I'm finally figuring out that love--even in the classroom--Love is always corrective. (Teachers should know that by heart.) So when you must correct a student, if you can do it with love in mind, then they take it as it should be taken.

Lately, I've had so many "wake-up calls" to reality. I had to turn in a (mucho offensive) note to the assistant principle (written about me, and found in my classroom). And it really made me reevaluate the way I treat my students. And it made me realize--all over again--that my students are a product of their environments--including the one I create in the classroom. And that is more important than all the knowledge I can pump into their heads (although I'm still trying to pump it in--lol!).

Wowee! Sis. Sam!

Okay--this is a note to anyone who might be involved in reading both of my blogs--my nearly nonexistent blogspot, and my dying xanga....

About 2 months ago, my school district blocked xanga. I don't think it was just because of a silly first-year teacher, but I think it was also because of the volume of students using it. Sooo... I'm going to start posting on blogspot again, and then copy/pasting into xanga. Because (sadly) the majority of time I used to spend on xanga was actually at school.. And I know why. It was a great diversion to clear my head after a long day at work.

So here I am at school, once again typing away--they haven't blocked blogspot yet! --lol-- Hopefully, they won't.

I don't think I'll try to catch you up on every solitary thing that's happended since the Christmas holidays--suffice it to say, I've been pretty busy... but God is so good. He meets our needs when we don't deserve it--in spite of ourselves.

~~About this weekend~~

I had a great time this weekend--and got to meet a dear friend! Sis. Sam, you are such a wonderful gal--it was terrific to spend time with you and Bro. Ben--and singing, discussing God's Word, laughing, plain Chat-Chatting, and just generally having an awesome time.

Next time, hopefully we'll get to spend more time together--and hopefully Heather can make it next time! We missed you.

May God bless you both!

Hope your trip back wasn't too icy--we didn't get a thing here, despite the fact that I really wanted a 1/2-day or 2-hour delay today! I coulda caught up on some sleep that I lost!

(I wish I could think of more right now--but my mind's kind of blank after teaching 60 students today--some are out.)

~I just realized.... I forgot to do a valentines post.

Funny things that happened:

1. I forgot that it was valentines. I came into school (late--not so unusual) wearing black and grey-- the only red I had on were my burgundy Dansko (teacher) clogs--!
   
2. My students are such gimme monsters... their response to Valentines Day is, "what did you get me, Ms. R?" --at least I don't teach elementary school--it would have been a sure-fire disaster if I'd forgotten what day it was there!
   
3. Sweet stuff--one of my students gave me a rose. (well, actually two, but her big sister came back to claim one of them so that one of the other teachers could have hers--lol!)
   
4. Hilarious stuff--one of my students gave me a valentine marked to Mrs. (big black line over Mrs.) Miss R------ !!!
   
5. I ended up playing with Isaac and Samuel all evening, so that Will could take Beth out--fun, but unusual for valentines' day! (grin)
   

He is the potter, and I am the clay...

A vessel of Honor he wants me to stay...

God is so good.

I'm a first year teacher, and it seems that last semester was a time of constant stress. (That is, except when I'm wasted time on the 'net.) And so I took full advantage of my time off this Christmas to relax. And I put off grading.

When I finally got to the point that I could (and wanted to) grade papers--I knew I was going to have some sleepless nights... and even then, I didn't know what I was going to do. I had a ton of essays to grade.

But when I stumble, and fall, and my vessel breaks....

God's sovereignty is amazing--and His blessings even more so.

We've had amazing services in church lately. God has come down, and blessed us so much. It seems as if it's a process--of slowly centering me once more on Him, no matter what comes or goes. Wednesday's service was wonderful, and on Saturday we had a watch-night service. The presence of the Holy Ghost filled the church--God calling me back to His throne, into His presence.

There is healing in Communion.

I know this, because Brother Branham said it... and I've now experienced it. For myself. Because my broken, wounded spirit was healed by His balm.

Sunday night after service, I lay in my room upstairs--and instead of focusing on the book I was escaping to, I started to think about the Lord, and all He's done for me. For some reason, my mind went back to a series my pastor had preached on Brother Branham's sermon, How Can I Overcome. When my pastor preached this, I was seeking for the Holy Ghost--But I wasn't yet surrendered. I knew it, too. As I listened to the message, I yearned for the Holy Ghost--yet I wasn't willing to give up.

Looking back on that time in my life, and comparing it with now... I realized: When you receive the Holy Ghost, you receive the power you need to overcome anything Satan might throw into your face. I'd known this for--oh, I don't know how long. But what I hadn't realized was, it's not me. I, as in my flesh, will never have the power to overcome Satan in this life. Because as much as we might try to patch, comfort, and beautify this flesh, it's not redeemed, and it will not be until we are in our ought-to-be condition-- glorified, sinless bodies.

But when you've surrendered over--when you realize it must be Him, and not you, that completes the work; that conquers the trial--it makes all the difference in the world.

I'd been trying to wage the war with the wrong tools. I'd been trying to fight battles myself, instead of simply surrendering. So this time, I prayed that God would allow me to just yield to Him, rather than fight with my two weak hands. And this whole grading thing--it allowed me the chance to put God to the test.

This morning, I laid on my face, and knew that if God didn't help me somehow-- I just wasn't going to get my grades in. And so I called on His help--realizing that I just wasn't good enough. I knew it was my fault. But I still needed His power and help.

Remember the ice storm that wasn't, yet we still didn't have power? Well. At lunchtime, I got an email. Because of our "snow days", the High Schools were still taking exams, and the District Office moved the Report Card distribution date to later. Which gave me an extension on how long I had to upload my grades. I know--still--that I should have already completed my grades. I know it was my fault. But yet, even in my fault, He had mercy. He knew what I needed--even before I knew it. He always does.

He just picks up the pieces; He doesn't throw the clay away.

---

**Edit**
Guess what tonight's service was on? The Faithfulness of God--to us.

Amen.

Posted via web from marielenora's posterous

It's almost snowing...

But NOT QUITE.

It would be nice to have a 2-hr delay tomorrow... lol!

Listen to me! And I'M THE TEACHER!!!!

Though I don't know that it will happen--not unless the mountains are icy.

(Lol-- I'm talking to my students about sentence structure right now... so it makes me so much more aware of how mine come together.... but not with obvious results. (Technically, I just wrote a RO!)

Last night's service was wonderful. It gave me so much to contemplate--and to worship God over. Actually, it seems that all of our services lately have just meant so much. It's wonderful.

Psalm 91

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

--Faith and Confession. Amen.

Despite all of the moans and groans I do on here about teaching... My God has sustained me througout this journey, and He will continue to do so. He has blessed me so much. I've made it so far.

Just to give you an example--one new teacher at my school didn't make it. The kids weren't awful; the work wasn't any worse than mine... but she just didn't make it. She stopped coming. Without reason. When I see that, I realize just how good God is to me.

Pray for Snow, y'all!

I LOATHE Locks of Love.

So, today--guess what was on the school newscast this morning. Yup. Three people-cutting their hair for locks of love. Ten inches of their hair, chopped off.

One of them was a guy.

So, guess what my students said as soon as they heard this?!?

Yup.

"Miss R.--Miss R.! You should do it!"

One of the teachers down the hall from me said his classroom was absolute chaos, because all of his students wanted me to donate my hair to L.of L. "Think of it, Mr. Matt, she could contribute 3X what the others did!" --And on, and on.

NO.

A thousand times, NO.

I put up my hair after the news broadcast. It was down before that. I didn't want to be bothered by students commenting.

But it was a good opportunity to tell my fellow team members why I don't cut my hair. And it was bound to happen sometime that I would testify about it. Even if all I said was, I don't want to, and don't I feel like God wants me to, either.

1 Cor 11:15: But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

---

And I just want to thank you Lord,
For letting me hear the Word;
What have I done to deserve such Glory Revealed in me?
...

Untitled

I'm alive... really!

---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^....
I've just been busy lately. Long-Range Plans are due soon, as well as midterms coming up... so it seems like a lot's going on. So, Aly, I've not abandoned you--I just took a temporary leave-of-absence!! My students were so BAD today... argh! They were just loud. They had trouble listening. And I wrote up a student. And others got in trouble too. In fact, as I walked down stairs at the beginning of my planning period, I saw a whole GROUP of students that I teach, waiting to see the sixth grade disciplinarian. Every single one of them were my students, and most of them were all in my first period together. And I wonder why in the world that period won't settle down?! La. But on a happier note... This weekend, I'm not gonna do a thing. Well, actually I am. I'm going to accomplish as much as I can on my long range plans, so that next weekend, I'll actually be free from responsibility. Because Ben and Sharon and Renee are coming up... and we're going to finally celebrate my birthday!! --Celebrate my birthday. lol-- I know-- it was a month ago. However, we've been incredibly busy; therefore, we haven't taken the time. Anyway, it's just now starting to look and feel as it should when my birthday takes place... so it's not really that much of a stretch. The trees are just now starting to be beautiful and red and yellow and orange... and maybe I'll take the time to run to the mountains this weekend.
Why is it fun to take personality tests online? It just is. Maybe it's because it's fun to see where they're wrong and where they're right. Please pray for me. It seems as if I can't break through, past all the stress and worry and confusion that a first year teacher's entitled to. It's been such a struggle, ever since I started teaching, to spend time with Him and His word. But I KNOW--beyond a shadow of a doubt--that God is greater than our confusion, and he will supply our needs. I know that I'm in this job for a purpose. I just haven't quite grasped what it is. I'm thanking the Lord that there is a purpose--a reason--that I'm going through all this. And I know that I'll come out stronger on the other side. Thank you all, my wonderful friends from around the world, for your love and care. God bless you!