Where I'm From

Based on the children's book Mama, Where Are You From?

I'm from a knee-high grass field full of weeds and wildflowers. Chasing my brother and sisters through the harsh grass; chasing fireflies while the sun sets.

I'm from the sewing machine which made patched doll clothes, and where I made my first dress. From pricked fingers and ripped-out seams.

I'm from bluegrass and gospel played in the car on a country road. I'm from Bach and Mahler and Copeland--shaking the house with the blare of symphonies and string quartets and sonatas.

I'm from the land of bumps and bruises, scrapes, cuts and gashes, thanks to good ole' clumsiness.

I'm from the family who thinks the right word--no matter how big--is important. I'm also from a book which manages to state everything important in life in the small words of the common man.

I'm from grace--both in my teaching and in my life--because I would not be teaching still if it were not for the Grace of God.

I'm from a hot kitchen, stirring, simmering and baking my way to sanity after a long day.

I'm from frustration to giving up--in the good way. Realizing that I cannot do it on my own--I must rely on the Holy Spirit in order to get me through. Realizing the control I so carefully construct is nothing; the creator of Heavens and Earth is the real guiding force.

I'm from God, who before the foundation of the world called my name. I know because I hear His voice calling me now.

Reflection--on lotsa stuff

I'm sitting in class watching my prof develop another blog--just when I'm trying to minimize and downsize! The worst part about switching from Xanga to Blogspot is that I've lost the comments--so I don't think I'm going to close down my xanga site. I'll leave the link up so that anyone who wants can search through the old posts.

It's been an interesting experience, looking over my old blog posts. I was either a lot more cheerful than I am now, or I was afraid of appearing too somber. I know I was a little afraid of being too honest. (Who wants their faults and failures spread across the 'net, anyway? --Despite the fact that everyone has them... ) Either I don't care as much, or I don't plan on tons of people looking at this? I'm not sure which.

I know I'm different than at the beginning--you can't go through four years of teaching and not be a different person from when you started. (Not unless it's your 20th year.) But how have I grown? I hope it's in ways that matter, but I can't guarantee it.

...

Today Rebecca was trying to talk me out of Master's classes. I don't blame her; I've been pretty miserable. It's worse during the school year. I feel as if I simply have too much to do and not enough time to do it all. My teaching suffers from it also--and pray tell, which is more important? Your JOB, or your sort-of education? I'm not so miserable now--but things keep happening to me-- a "B" when I should have gotten an "A", a misunderstanding with the professor (actually accused of cheating)--difficulties which make little or no sense. It seems the signposts would be pointing in the direction to quit.

But I'm struggling with the idea of quitting. I didn't know this before now, but I'm not a quitter. I may not like something, I may complain, but I usually don't quit--especially in things which may affect another person's (a.k.a. principle's) opinion of me. I don't care about the money, but I do care about how my betters view my work.

And then I run across this from the New York Times: an article on what a Master's Degree is worth. Not much unless you're a teacher, according to them. And for most teachers, it's the money that draws them in.

So where do I go from here? Pray, and wait. I'll finish up the summer courses, file my "bachelor's plus eighteen" hours with the state department, and hopefully, somewhere between now and August, the answer will become clear.

Visual DNA...

This is more of a "xangan" thing to do, but...





My personal DNA report


I didn't realize this until later, but if you mouse over each color, you can see what it means.

For all of you...

Who helped me celebrate today, thank you.



It's been a lovely day.

Posted via web from marielenora's posterous

Goodbye old Paint...

Nope, I've not been out west.

I've been repainting my room.

(Where is Cheyenne, anyway?)

So, here's what it looked like before, with an empty room:



I really meant to take a picture before I got most of my stuff back in the room, but I didn't manage to. So, here's what it looked like this evening, in the dying light.



I should have taken a morning pic, but unfortunately, my mornings are currently absorbed with back to school business. We start next Thursday.

... I'd rather be in the palm of Your hand... Though rich or poor I may be; Faith can see right through the circumstance, Sees the forest in spite of the trees-- Your Grace provides for me.

...

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Pretty much everyone's done this by now, and it made me think about my own...

Hmmmm... Do I have strange habits? --um. Yes.

1. I sneeze exactly like my mother does. ---HACH--oo!
   Becca finds this especially entertaining in church.
   
2. I read cookbooks-- TOMES really-- for pleasure. As in, the really thick ones.
   ( I love Julia Child--lol!)
   
3. When I'm stressed out, I will take one of two options--do something domestic (I. E, cook something fatening and yummy), or hole up to myself (If I can) with a book.
4. I don't "small talk" well. I'm not incredibly talkative in the first place--unlike my sis, Becca--so I find it easy to be at a loss for words.
5. Despite the fact that I'm a pretty much a girly-girl, I love to hike, and camp, and fish. (Well, fish with someone who knows what they're doing. Maybe I just like to be out on the water.)
   
6. All I've ever wanted out of life is to be a child of God, and to be a wife and a mother. I've never had any other ambition. College was just a drop in the bucket, and so, I'm finding, is teaching.
7. I used to think that being "smart" was very important. Now, I know that the most important thing there is is Truth, and Faith in that Truth--and it doesn't need to be welded by the minds of intellectual man. It speaks for itself.

Samantha, You've Enspired Me...

...To tell how God is so very good to me--and has been all my life. I'm blessed beyond my wildest imagination, just becuase I'm His child, and growing in Grace.


I first was babtised when I was a little girl. I was four years old.

I didn't want to go to hell.

And so I went on, for years.

Sinning. Being a little girl.
All the while growing up in a home with parents who believed the Message.
Listening to Brother Branham. Going to church. Singing. Sinning.

Yet all the while, God had His hand on my life. I finally came to the knowledge that I was a sinner--and not surrendered to God--at age 14. And there I surrendered to Him.
And there, I began to live the Message by my own works.
Which is to say, not well. At all.

I knew there was a piece missing. Something wasn't right.
But I didn't know what.


I'm so thank God for sending me--my family--my church--a Holy Ghost-Filled, Straight-preaching pastor. My most rebellious moments as a teenager were brought into the light of God's Word--and I realized where I was astray. God 's gift will always point out sin and unbelief.
And through the preaching across the pulpit of my Home Church, I realized:

I needed the Holy Ghost.

After I'd realized, I heard it everywhere. In every message I heard, I heard Brother Branham preach the Holy Ghost. When I read the Bible; when I prayed; it was a sore thumb of thought: I needed the Holy Ghost.

I needed to surrender more, though.

And I had to want to surrender.
Not want the Holy Ghost, just to take myself back again.

I sought--for I'm not quite sure how long. And the night when I recieved Him--not as a historical figure, but as my Lord and Savior, who died on the Cross to save me, and would deign to come down and LIVE in ME--it was too awesome for words.

I had no words--I had nothing to offer Him, but sweet surrender.

And I'm still learning my lesson, over and over again, to surrender my life into His complete care. I'm still facing the fact that I AM NOTHING,
and HE IS ALL.



I'm still growing in Grace.
Every trial, every test, every pain is an opportunity to grow into Him more--as long as I take it. It's always an opportunity to lean on Him more; to let Him be more in my life.

And when I fail--which is so often--He is my advocate with the Father.
And I'm sheltered within the cover of His wings.
My voice is heard--but my sins are under the blood.

And because of that, I cannot fail the Lord.

The lord of my life; He has never failed.... On my own, I could never succeed...


Through Him, I cannot fail Him.

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This is for Alyssa

Introverted (I) 62.07% Extroverted (E) 37.93%
Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
Feeling (F) 64.71% Thinking (T) 35.29%
Perceiving (P) 64.71% Judging (J) 35.29%

Your type is: INFP

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Enneagram Test Results

The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, this is your score on each...

Type 1	Perfectionism	||||||	30%
Type 2	Helpfulness	||||||||||||	50%
Type 3	Image Awareness	||||||||||||	50%
Type 4	Sensitivity	||||||||||||	43%
Type 5	Detachment	||||||||||||||||	66%
Type 6	Anxiety	||||||||||	33%
Type 7	Adventurousness	||||||||||||	43%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	||||||||||||||	53%
Type 9	Calmness	||||||||||||	46%

And all this means... http://linus.highpoint.edu/~bblatchl/infp.html

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Big 45 Test Results

Gregariousness	||||||||||||	38%
Sociability	|||||||||||||||	42%
Assertiveness	|||||||||||||||	46%
Poise	|||||||||||||||	46%
Leadership	|||||||||||||||	50%
Provocativeness	||||||||||||	38%
Self-Disclosure	|||||||||||||||	50%
Talkativeness	||||||||||||||||||	58%
Group Attachment	||||||||||||	38%
Extroversion	|||||||||||||||	45%
Understanding	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Warmth	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Morality	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Pleasantness	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Empathy	||||||||||||||||||	54%
Cooperation	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Sympathy	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Tenderness	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Nurturance	|||||||||||||||	50%
Accommodation	|||||||||||||||||||||	64%
Conscientiousness	||||||||||||	34%
Efficiency	||||||||||||	38%
Dutifulness	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Purposefulness	|||||||||	30%
Organization	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Cautiousness	||||||||||||	34%
Rationality	||||||||||||	34%
Perfectionism	|||||||||||||||	42%
Planning	|||||||||||||||	50%
Orderliness	|||||||||||||||	43%
Stability	||||||||||||	38%
Happiness	|||||||||||||||	46%
Calmness	|||||||||||||||	46%
Moderation	||||||||||||	34%
Toughness	|||||||||||||||	46%
Impulse Control	||||||||||||	34%
Imperturbability	|||||||||	22%
Cool-headedness	||||||||||||	34%
Tranquility	|||||||||	26%
Emotional Stability	||||||||||||	36%
Intellect	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Ingenuity	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Reflection	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Competence	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Quickness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Introspection	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Creativity	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Imagination	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Depth	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Openmindedness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	73%

Big 45 Key

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	38%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	42%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	46%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	46%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	50%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	38%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	50%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	58%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	38%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	66%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	62%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	78%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	62%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	54%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	78%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	66%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	66%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	50%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	34%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	38%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	66%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	30%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	62%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	34%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	34%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	42%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	50%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	38%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	46%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	46%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	34%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	46%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	34%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	22%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	34%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	26%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	82%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	62%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	82%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	74%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	74%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	74%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	66%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	74%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	74%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer