Remembrance of Things Past

(No recipes for Madelines today-- just a reflection.)

It's that time of year, when the skies seem perpetually grey, and dust and ashes seem to collect in my thought patterns.Yet, out of these dark recesses, I want to remember the good - to process though the past year by making a list of the things worth remembering.  The things that made this year worth it all - chaotic and difficult as it's been. So, in chronological order:

• The Lord Jesus Christ's healing power.  I entered 2012 in the midst of the most severe depression I've experienced.   While I know my experience isn't unique -  many people have gone through that valley - my healing process was.  That December, I visited some dear friends who listened, and reflected, and were praying for me.  It should have been no surprise one Sunday night in late January, that my pastor felt led to hold a Mark 16 prayer line. I went through, and the Holy Ghost power hit me.  At that point, I knew I was healed.  But sometimes the complete manifestation comes a bit later.  Slowly, throughout February, March and April, strength returned.  My moods seemed to lift with the lengthening days, and slowly, God manifested the promise found in that prayer line. 

• A do-over.  I needed one badly last year, so the fact that I was teaching a semester classes, where I could begin again in January, was yet again another blessing. 

• My nephews.  Circumstances changed last year, and I'm with my brother's children more now than ever.  I've found it to be one of the best, most difficult, but most fun challenges I've ever encountered.  They are precious, smart, funny guys, and I love the fact that they're in my life more.    

• EUROPE!  I'd always wanted to go to Europe, especially with one of my sisters.  The Lord laid this opportunity in both of our laps, and we ended up traveling for twenty-one days with a group of students.  While it was difficult (and I'm not sure I'll do this again), it really was the opportunity of a lifetime.  

• My dog, Ella, has been a new adventure for me - going through the stages of puppy hood has been-- Ahem--interesting to say the least.  But she's a love, and she came into my life just when I needed her.

• Patience.  Endurance.  Finding grace in the waiting, and growth through difficulties. 

Growing Pains

This year has been a growing one.

Some years are like that--pains deep into the muscles of the mind, shooting wide.

And then, you realize you've reached a milestone. Some people think you're at the top of your game. (You still don't.) All you can see are the mountains ahead, and you're afraid to look at the view below, because you might fall flat on your face.

That's where I am now. I'm sitting on go, waiting for the next inhale of challenge or the exhale of relief. It's leaving me breathless.

And then I remember:

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ --Phillipians 1:6

And I remember my earlier conversation with my sister, and how we talked about everything--not just the good, but also the bad-- working in your life for the glory of God.

And I can breathe again.

You (Probably) are from the South if...

• You still believe cast iron skillets are the greatest cooking medium on earth.
  (You use one daily, and it probably came from your grandmother.)
  
• You know that "bless his/her heart" is not necessarily a compliment.
  
• You believe in hospitality, but know not to expect it when you're driving.
  
• Your daffodils start blooming in the middle of February.
  
• You actually like a little humidity, and can't stand that stuff they call "dry heat" out West.
  
• "Y'all" is standard vocabulary. It slips out pretty often.
  
• You don't mind talking to strangers, as long as what they are doing interests you enough. You've probably made some friends that way.
  
• You can tell what part of the South your friend is from by their accent.
  
• You believe in the social graces that make men "gentlemen" and women "ladies."
  
• You think winters without snow are beautiful, but you love your snow days, where everyone's afraid to drive and the grocery stores are empty where their milk and bread used to be. (Not because of the snow... oh no. It's the ICE.)
  
• You expect at least one day of flip-flop weather in January.
  
• Iced tea is sweet. It's the law.
  
• You know what the Bible Belt is, and where it's located.
  
• You know all about health food, but you know not to skimp on the fat in food.
  (It's where the flavor is, sister.)
  
• You have strong opinions about barbecue, and where to get the best near you.
  
• Schools still don't have things going on on Wednesday nights, 'cause that's "church night."
  
• Bluegrass isn't just a bunch of noise to your ears. You like the banjo.
  
• You know that summer is at your door when you hear the katydids at night.
  
• You don't think a house is really a home unless it has a porch. It's even better if there's a swing.
  
• No matter where you are in the world and how much you "loose your accent," when you start talking about home, it returns.
  

Yay!!! There are others like me out there!

That is, there are others on a clothes "diet."

Last Spring, as I switched my closet from summer to winter, I made a discovery: I didn't lack for anything. Anything. At all. In short, had/have too many clothes. In fact, it kinda made me sick to see how many clothes I really owned. So I decided that, for the duration of the summer, I wasn't going to buy anything. No shopping trips to the local outlet mall, no "retail therapy" whatsoever. It's been incredibly do-able; I've really not even missed it. I like what's in my closet--for the most part--and what I don't like, I have been trying to weed out.

But now, I have a decision to make. Should I join these ladies? I can't decide.

I might, though if I do, I'm (mostly) sticking to my original rules:

1. No new clothes (But my sewing doesn't count. Still. The idea that I can sew myself something new has been a saving grace. Not that I've had time to shop; not that I've actually sewn anything.) I might just say no new fabric, considering my stash. Though that can't apply to this stuff...
   
   
2. Even though "The Great American Apparel Diet" allows the purchase of shoes, I'm going to try to stick to not buying them--with the exception of my birthday boots. Yes, I'm buying myself boots for my birthday and asking for contributions from those who would normally buy me a present. Otherwise, the price would be unconscionable.
   
   
3. I can still buy accessories. Not that I need them.
   

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Mathew 6:19-21

Reflect

The end of another school year--really, the end of anything--is always my turn to turn inward and dig deep. I don't like the words "deliberate" or "dialogue", or that over-used word, at least in badly-written books, "process". (It's always made me cringe.)

I prefer reflect. Perhaps because I equate that to what the Lord Jesus wishes to do with every Christian--to beat the dross and muck of the world out in order to see Himself, to shine to others through us.

I'm looking in the mirror this time, hoping to find more of Jesus Christ in my life and actions. And right now, my response back to this view is Lord, help me. Because I don't see what I should. And I can't do it; I can't change; only He can do that work. He's the one to break fetters, turn back hearts, tame tempers, close mouths, and show grace, both in failure and in success. All I have to do is surrender to the sweet Holy Spirit, more and more, every day.

Take my life and let it be

A living sacrifice to Thee.

A Wordle

Isn't it funny that tomatoes is so big? :)

Thankful List

• good music
• playing music (Even better with other musicians, preferably ones better than myself. That's not hard to come by, and I learn more that way)
• cooking and baking, simmering and stewing
• knitting
• reading Elizabeth Zimmerman and Julia Child
• re-reading books I read as a teenager, and realizing how my perceptions have changed with experiences
• marking things off to-do lists :)
• listening to Bro. Branham
• the word sword is mostly word
• quick, fun sewing projects
• a working sewing machine :)
• writing
• sisters
• old friends
• my oldest nephew's mental connections
• my oldest niece's zest for life
• my middle nephew's smile
• my youngest nephew's hugs
• my youngest neice's sweet baby chatter

Catography

Kitten, five inches long:
Scratch and careen through the house
Gallop on wood floors and
Make an entrance larger than your size
Dig into the carpet to slide it skewed
And bristle at the squirrels outside.

After a year, scare at your shadow
Beg for petting while eating,
Then bite the hand when finished.
Ignore the string dangled in your face
But tear up toilet paper and fight socks
And attack the legs that walk past

After five years discover the power of ears
Lay them back to show disgust
Forward to show interest
And perked up to listen.
Tilt them just so
For feral intent.

After ten, sit in the flowers and weeds
Stare at the human digging dirt
Follow puppy-style though the yard
Swish your ringed tail at birds and talk squirrel.
Exercise front paws on the glass door
And jump ten feet when it slams.

And in year fifteen, discover your inner lion
Fight off six dogs and make them cry
Claw them 'till it hurts.
In your pain, growl at the helping hand
Brave the knife, fight for life
And once again live.

What to Write About

I'm here to write. I've not figured out what about yet-- I've just got the urge to be here, and to to write about life. (Does this only happen to me, or does it happen to others? )

I could write about my exciting, exhausting Holiday from school, where I took two successive trips and sandwiched in Christmas at home--barely. About what an awesome and wonderful time I had hanging out with my good friend, Alyssa from Australia, and making two cheesecakes for/with those great folks from Indiana, learning I wasn't a hopeless ice skater, visiting the Creation Museum where I found the perfect gift for Noelle, and playing Message Trivia with good friends. (Alyssa ransacked us all.)

I could talk of the journey home-- the gorgeous icy drive through the mountains, stopping by the Walmart on a snowy afternoon and the successive snowball "fight"--The trip to downtown Greenville for great Thai food, my talkative and hilarious sister, Rebecca who made Alyssa and me laugh. I could mention running back up to Asheville the next day to visit Heather, then spending the evening at home making the best pizza I've ever put in my mouth. (I need to make it again.)

I could talk of Rebecca's birthday breakfast--the slow and relaxing day at home, in which we only went out to see the (flooded) church, and came home to tea and more relaxing and knitting--and not-so-relaxed packing.

I could talk of getting up the next morning at 4AM, driving to fly, flying to drive, and arriving at a camp where I knew but one other person. I could write of meeting others, meeting the Lord Jesus Christ, playing and playing and playing the piano, loving the interchange between instruments, chatting music, and playing--all for the glory of God. I could talk of how doctrinal differences don't ruin the Holy Spirit's flow--as long as I don't get in the way.

I could write about coming home--how, for the first time, a commercial plane felt slightly more like my grandad's--how my heart was glad to see the mountains--how the feeling of homeward-bound-ness and going to church that night was euphoric. I could talk of the next couple of days, where I was a couch potato, and then discovered school was looming right around the corner.

And now? I could talk of the goodness of the Lord. The strength for the days the Lord has given me, both in sickness and health, stress or not. How it's good to see my students again--even the ones that drive me a little crazy. How I admire my family, and think they're just about the best people around. How I'm thankful for the new ideas, the beautiful thoughts and the crafty stuff that collected on my Google Reader while I was absent.

Perhaps that's what I should write about.

I didn't realize just how close to home I was when I snapped this outside my plane window.

Noelle--9 months

My niece's legs are bread dough,
Smooth and elastic with just the right strength.
I cannot resist kneading her sweet kickers.

Her chubby hands wrap around her mother's shoulders
as she moves from place to place, gliding
stretching towards walking.

She loves her brother; immitates his every emotion
Reaching towards words, laughing at every every antic,
Tasting his hair in affection

Her eyes tell it all, pleasure or pain
She has the ability to tell off someone
With a single, flashing glare.

My niece, not yet One,
Has the quiet focus of her father,
The fun streak of her mother:
The best of both worlds.

And she just took her first steps yesterday!

Puzzle Piece

My life is made up of pieces that should be a cohesive whole--but they're not. The pieces feel like a puzzle thrown in a box all which-a-way.

As a teacher, I nurture others, pulling my students into stories and writing, cajoling them to learning. This life requires more of my time than the others. It's where I earn my daily bread--working to form lives and minds. But there's a tug-of-war between work and life.

As a friend, I talk and love and sometimes come out to play, though not as often as I used to. Most of my girlfriends are concerned with their families and new-found lives, so our conversations have more to do with where I'm headed than where I am now. The exceptions are my sisters. Both understand the balance that is easy to loose when you're a teacher.

As an artist, I'm barely there. The creative drive is still exists: projects fester in my mind, but rarely leave, stifled by the demands of paperwork and students' needs. I look in awe at others who work full-time, yet still have the time and energy to create every day.

As a daughter, an aunt and a sister I'm connected to those who have lived my life with me. Our relationships haven't changed much over the years--I'm still the aunt who buys candy at Cracker Barrel, the sister with the crazy, flighty ideas. What changes is the deepening of experiences, stretching through time.

As a child of my God, my life is the closest to complete. It's where I find the mistakes I've made and the changes I need to make. It's where I dedicate my life daily to the Cross. It's real-life, real-time, real-close, though that's not always apparent on the surface. It's also the one I struggle to put first. This is where I see the patterns echoing between the pieces, even as their shapes constantly change. I want a stronger vision. I want the puzzle of my life complete, strong and resilient.

Phone Call

When I call my sister on the phone, the murmur of childrens' voices fills the background. Her voice smiles, and I can see her blue-grey eyes shining in my mind.

When I call my sister, I return to the days of our childhood when we made radio shows, played ridiculous duets on the piano, and laughed and fought our way through. I talked and she listened; she did something crazy and I helped pick up the pieces.

When I call my sister, I hear music in her voice--the music spills out of her words. I hear the clean, deep bass notes followed by the thick thatch of middle chords that finish soft and high. The music pulses like waves through our conversation.

In my sister's voice I hear the echoes of what I once was, and what I am, and what I hope to be.

Sewing Analogy

Thread through needle~ sandwiching layers of fabric together. What threads will I use to stitch my classes~ my colorful pieces~ together?

One is brown and worn, frayed in the corner. Another is pristine-white with starched crisp corners. Another is loud and crazy, with the rhythms of neon colors dancing across the background. Yet another stripes like soldiers, lined up for parade.

And these are only a sample of my fifty-four swatches to stitch this year. Perhaps my thread will begin with the pale blue of love and switch to the dark cerulean of learning. But always we will come back to that pale azure sheen which is so ephemeral in the chaos and drama of sixth grade.

Reflection--on lotsa stuff

I'm sitting in class watching my prof develop another blog--just when I'm trying to minimize and downsize! The worst part about switching from Xanga to Blogspot is that I've lost the comments--so I don't think I'm going to close down my xanga site. I'll leave the link up so that anyone who wants can search through the old posts.

It's been an interesting experience, looking over my old blog posts. I was either a lot more cheerful than I am now, or I was afraid of appearing too somber. I know I was a little afraid of being too honest. (Who wants their faults and failures spread across the 'net, anyway? --Despite the fact that everyone has them... ) Either I don't care as much, or I don't plan on tons of people looking at this? I'm not sure which.

I know I'm different than at the beginning--you can't go through four years of teaching and not be a different person from when you started. (Not unless it's your 20th year.) But how have I grown? I hope it's in ways that matter, but I can't guarantee it.

...

Today Rebecca was trying to talk me out of Master's classes. I don't blame her; I've been pretty miserable. It's worse during the school year. I feel as if I simply have too much to do and not enough time to do it all. My teaching suffers from it also--and pray tell, which is more important? Your JOB, or your sort-of education? I'm not so miserable now--but things keep happening to me-- a "B" when I should have gotten an "A", a misunderstanding with the professor (actually accused of cheating)--difficulties which make little or no sense. It seems the signposts would be pointing in the direction to quit.

But I'm struggling with the idea of quitting. I didn't know this before now, but I'm not a quitter. I may not like something, I may complain, but I usually don't quit--especially in things which may affect another person's (a.k.a. principle's) opinion of me. I don't care about the money, but I do care about how my betters view my work.

And then I run across this from the New York Times: an article on what a Master's Degree is worth. Not much unless you're a teacher, according to them. And for most teachers, it's the money that draws them in.

So where do I go from here? Pray, and wait. I'll finish up the summer courses, file my "bachelor's plus eighteen" hours with the state department, and hopefully, somewhere between now and August, the answer will become clear.

Visual DNA...

This is more of a "xangan" thing to do, but...





My personal DNA report


I didn't realize this until later, but if you mouse over each color, you can see what it means.

It's been a while.

And that's putting it euphemistically.

First, school started.

Then, my home internet went out at lightning speed. Literally.

Sooo.... I don't know how much I actually have to say, but here I am!

First: A personality check, thanks to Sharon:

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors. While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around. Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease. You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows! Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you.

Hmmm... I don't know if I'm that mellow--lol-- but I guess it fits me as well as any.

You can check out your own color here.

---

And now, for a couple of links:

• The first is scary. Prisons are now editing the religious materials they have in their libraries... and I fear it may only reflect mainstream secular christianity. Here's the article from the NYT--I pray this doesn't affect VOG's prison ministries.
  
  
• The second just recounts something we've known all along, and I hope I don't offend too many by posting this. Here 'tis: an article from yahoo finance about why women should stay home. And if you follow one of the links in the article, you can see an even more telling--and funny--article, which is even more to-the-point. You can also follow that article to Forbes.com to see the original oppinion piece, which is paired with a feminist rebuttal.
  
  
• I'm gonna show my English-Teacher Self on this one: While most people realize that Pavarotti died this week, I don't know how many realize that the YA Literature writer, Madeline L'Engle, also passed away last Thursday.
  
  
• And, of course, I've got to be a bit of a health nut too. So, here's an article, where a man's microwave popcorn habit was linked to illness. And, just for good measure, here's a link, all about raw milk. To counteract all that horrible popcorn, at least you can drink some of the good stuff!
  
  
• But we can't be too healthy--oh no. Here's a link to Pampered Chef recipes, for your perusing.
  

---

So far, it's been such a blessed year, this third year of teaching. And when I think back to the uncertainty and difficulty of last year, I know that I made the right decision to simply let go and let God have the situations where I struggled. And that is what I aim to do this year. Go to the rock when I'm in over my head, and show Christ to my students. And, thanks to VOG's YF wallpapers, I'm able to subtly expose my students to the supernatural--the background of my school computer is the photograph of Sunset Mountain.

I'm so blessed.

God bless y'all!

Posted via web from marielenora's posterous

Various and Sundry Things...

• Sharon visited for a bit this week. It was a great time to reinforce my "favorite aunt status" with Renee and Lucas--Lol! Isaac and Samuel came for a day, and had lots of cousinly fun at grandmama's house...
  
  
  
  
  
  Grandmama's placemats become guitars...
  
  
  Sweet Lukie.
  
  Thanks to Sharon for the photos.
  
  
• While Sharon was here, I discovered a source for local, organic, free-range eggs! It was by complete happenstance that we ran into "the egg lady" at a produce stand. (The yolks on these eggs are almost a burnt orange color. It's amazing.) She also grinds and bakes freshly ground whole-wheat bread, and gave me a tip for local, organic, soft red wheat! $17 for 50 pounds! Whew! What a windfall!
  
  
• I tried my hand at making butter, after an article in the NYTimes (So sorry--I was able to access it a week ago without Times select!) and pictorial directions from this blog. I was about to toss some "over-ripe", already separated, pasteurized whipping cream when I remembered these links--and tried my hand with a Mason jar and a lot of shakin' action. I think I could have shaken it longer-- I later found out through my good friend Susannah that she'd seen it made with a marble in the jar, to help agitate the cream and solidify the butter. But judging from the flavor, it's definitely worth the work. The butter has a rich, creamy flavor, and a spreadable consistency that you just don't get from the store. And-- well-- it's mostly gone. And my family isn't the sort to put butter on everything, either! So--right now, my lovely, creamy raw milk is in an iced tea jar, so that the cream's rising to the top. And, depending on when I decide to make it again--I'll either skim off the cream with a ladle, and make sure I've got mostly only cream with a gravy separator, let it sit overnight for flavor-- and then try it again. Though, Sharon might beat me to it, as soon as she gets her iced tea jar!
  
  
• I'm also starting into a Kambucha Tea experiment again. We'll see how that goes.
  
  
• I'm also trying to paint my room. We'll see how that goes.
  
  
• I'm also contemplating sewing ideas... and projects...
  

Lol--one thing about having many hobbies: You're never bored.

A random Summertime update about everything under the sun...

...or rather, under the clouds at this point. We're finally getting some rain, after being deprived for some time.

This is where Friday afternoon found me:

Heather, her children, and I met up at the Carl Sandburg Home in Flat Rock. It's such a beautiful house, with goats and chickens and a garden to interest the kids, as well as a great pond down below with huge bream, some ducks, and some beautiful pond lilies. All great things for children. And for the adults, there was a house to look at, a tour to take, a gift shop with lots of great books to examine, cheese and soap to buy, and (if you didn't miss it as we did), a cheese demonstration to attend. As well as a picnic to enjoy. And as a pseudo-writer, I love to hear the history and the words of Carl Sandburg. He was a writer for the common man, the same way Aaron Copeland was a composer for the common people who took the ideologies and folk tunes of America and molded them into new sound...

Ahem. Let me get off my soapbox.

Heather and I decided to do a switcheroo--I'd bring her raw milk and freshly ground whole wheat bread, and she'd bring me veggies from her garden and some free-range eggs from her chickens. I think I got the more generous bargain, 'cause she stuck in some of her black raspberry preserves, too. Wow. Yum. Delicious. (Ahem-- Heather... how'd you like the raw milk? And how'd the bread go over with Alex? )

And so, tonight found me cooking with some of the produce. Specifically, the greens from the beets. (Well, I cooked the beats too, in the oven at 400, which is a great way to precook them, should you ever come across a beet to cook. and then, you can slice them, removing the skin in the process, and saute them in butter with salt and pepper and some nutmeg... )

In the process of cooking the greens, and trying to find a recipe and failing (well, okay-- I didn't look on the 'net...), and then inventing my own perfectly good recipe after inspiration from Joy of Cooking... I returned to Mark Bitman's How to Cook Everything to discover that beet greens are basically swiss chard, in which Mark Bitman has 3 recipes for, and no telling how many Joy has... Lol.

But here's my simple recipe for Swiss Chard (a.k.a. beet greens) with Apples:

• A bunch (however much you have) of swiss chard, washed; damaged stems and leaves removed, and then both stems and leaves sliced into small 1" pieces. (washed and chopped, I had about 3 cups.)
• 2 Granny Smith apples, sliced thinly
• 1 1/2 t. Bacon grease, if you are so blessed to have it. If not, a combo of butter and olive oil.
• (I rounded out the grease with 1 T. olive oil)
  
• ~ 1 T. Balsamic Vinegar
• 1/2 t. Italian Seasoning
• dash of nutmeg
• dash of lemon juice
• salt and pepper to taste.

Heat grease, butter, and/or oil in pan. Add apples, sauteing for a minute. Add in chard, saute for another minute, and then add in seasonings. Cook until greens are tender--about 5 minutes max. at fairly high heat.

I think know this recipe will not appeal to all... it's something like Sharon's kale and tomatoes... lol... So let me leave you with another which will appeal more universally.

My mother has a great way of cooking any bean that is incredibly simple. Basically, you wash and sort through a package of any dried beans, place in the crock pot with stock or water and appropriate spices, and depending on the bean, it'll be done any where from 2-3 to 7-8 hours later. It's the same as many old-fashioned cooks used to do, but instead of a bean-pot, Mama just uses the crock pot. She wanted me to record what I'd done today with some black-eye peas, so here goes:
1 package black-eye peas, washed and sorted through
1 large or 1 1/2 small onions, stem and root removed, sliced in thick, 1-2" wedges
4-5 slices pre-cooked bacon, sliced or torn into pieces
4-5 bay leaves
3-4 whole cloves 1 to 1 1/2 T. better than bullion (chicken base)
2 t. (one squirt) ketchup

Hot water (about a quart)

Place all ingredients in a medium-sized slow cooker. Cover with hot water, stir, and cook until done, 1 1/2--2 hours on high heat, or 3 1/2-4 on low. Add:

Salt and pepper to taste
Generous Dash of ground sage Enjoy.

For those who have dealt with long soaks for beans before--according to my favorite foodie, Mark Bittman, it's unnecessary, and doesn't help with the "nitrogen content" anyway. I tend to agree.

---

Quotes by Carl Sandburg:

I have always felt that a woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity until, perhaps, she passes into the realm of over ninety. Then it is better she be candid with herself and with the world.

Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Poetry is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess about what is seen during the moment.

The greatest cunning is to have none at all.

When a nation goes down, or a society perishes, one condition may always be found; they forgot where they came from. They lost sight of what had brought them along.

Summer is here...

Which means I'm getting Sleep!

And cleaning out!

And organizing!

--and generally all that fun stuff that I never seemed to have time to do during school.

--Finishing my mother's day present:



Mama picked out the upholstery to reupholster these chairs that she'd already repainted. She's an amazing woman... she helped me reupholster them, even though it was my present to her. My dad's staple gun is one tough cookie.

And enjoying the front porch:



(This one's for you, Sharon--so you can see what it looks like.)

And, as promised, the gardenias are blooming:

---

We had a wonderful service last night. My pastor was out of town, so we listened to the tape The Unity of One God in the One Church. It was heaven-sent manna:

THE.UNITY.OF.ONE.GOD.IN.THE.ONE.CHURCH_ JEFF.IN V-16 N-8 SUNDAY_ 58-1221E

112 Did you ever notice wheat growing? If you see wheat stand up and just shaking itself like that, remember, there's no head in it. It's empty. A full head always bows. And a man that's full, and filled with God's goodness and His mercy, He bows his head in humility. "He that will humble himself, God will exalt. He that exalts himself, shall be made abased."

Friends, it's time that men and women woke up to the facts, that we want to be one. Jesus prayed that we might be one, just as God and Him were One. And God was in Him. And we are One with Christ if we let Christ come in. But it's the only way we can do, is to let Him take the control room in our heart, then we become One.

...

THE.UNITY.OF.ONE.GOD.IN.THE.ONE.CHURCH_ JEFF.IN V-16 N-8 SUNDAY_ 58-1221E

83 You are filled with something. You might be filled with doubt. Your poor hearts may be running over with doubt. I hope not. Your hearts may be full of frets and worry. And it might be that your hearts are full of trouble. And it might be that you're full of religion, intellectual, fine perfumed theology, belonging to the great churches that's been in existence for years, setting back just as confidence as you can be. Brother, let me say to you; you might bring members to that church until you get old and die, and you'll never do nothing but build another tower to Babel. Certainly.

You can be full of foolishness; you can be full of nonsense; you can be full of anything; but you can't stay empty. The Bible says you can't.

...

THE.UNITY.OF.ONE.GOD.IN.THE.ONE.CHURCH_ JEFF.IN V-16 N-8 SUNDAY_ 58-1221E

95 There's what God wants you filled with. He wants you filled with the Holy Ghost, and then you'll be united, what to? A church? No, sir. You'll be united, what to? A creed? No, sir. You'll be united to God. And you and Him will be one, as He and the Father is One. And God's Holy Spirit will live in you. And the same works that the Holy Spirit performed when It was here in the Christ, Jesus, shall be performed in you, for He said He'd do it. Then we are one. Jesus prayed for that.

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THE.UNITY.OF.ONE.GOD.IN.THE.ONE.CHURCH_ JEFF.IN V-16 N-8 SUNDAY_ 58-1221E

142 And that's right, friends. Riches is not measured out by dollars. Riches is not measured out by big names and popularity. Riches is when the Kingdom of God has come into the human heart, changed his emotions, and made him a new creature in Christ Jesus, and give him Eternal Life. That's the richest thing on earth. Let us pray.

And while our heads is bowed. Are you poor tonight in this world's goods? You don't even know how you're going to pay the coal bill or the oil bill, or whatevermore? You may be that way; I hope you're not. But if it's so that you are that way, you can leave this building tonight the happiest poor man there is on the earth. You can live here with--leave here tonight with riches that no money could ever buy. You can unite your heart with Christ Jesus, and He can come into your soul and take the control room. And no matter what comes or goes, you'll be happy the rest of your days...

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The sun is streaming through the window in the kitchen as I write this post. It seems like the promise of summer. A summer that starts in two short days. Tomorrow, students will stream out of school, released for 2 1/2 months, driving their parents crazy, rather than their teachers.

And then, it's back to the drawing board again.

This time of year is always a bit hard. Not from the perspective that school's ending, but that my mistakes of the year seem to stand in black-and-white relief. And, while I resolve to do better, be better next year, I also realize my humanity--and how that in itself inhibits me from doing and being all I wish.

I signed my contract with some trepidation this year. I prayed over it; agonized over it. And at one point, declared I wasn't coming back to teaching. (Of course, that was while I was taking two graduate-level courses and was extremely stressed out.) But the problem with changing jobs is that you have to figure out your next step--what you're going to do. And that sort of next step is not easy for me. So I signed my contract for next year in faith that the Lord would lead me out, if I needed an out. And I'm trusting that He'll lead me through.

But for now, my mother's roses are in bloom. And then the gardenias will soon perfume the air. And I've got the summer to look forward to. And a God to serve and praise.

And He leads me beside still waters--somewhere in the valley below

And He draws me aside to be tested and tried; in the valley He restoreth my soul